I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
