Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
