if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
