it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
