I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Four minutes until I can fart!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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