I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
