Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
