Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize