I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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