Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
