people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize