I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
