She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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