So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
