is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
