I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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