If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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