Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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