He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
