I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize