it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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