but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
