that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize