which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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