The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
