Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
