I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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