Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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