ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
