Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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