the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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