Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize