Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
