Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
