I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
