I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
