i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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