if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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