I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
