I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The air was thick with penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
