? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
