I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
