I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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