Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
