Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
