He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
