he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
