I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
