Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
