i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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