Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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