He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
