dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
