She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
