i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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