Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
