There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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