I will die if light touches me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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