If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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