I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
