Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm too high and old for this...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
