you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
