I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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